In the mood to write

Why do I write? It's actually random but most of the time it's due to my current emotional state. I'd like to tell you first that I travel a lot and in the past few weeks, I've always been out of town, mostly somewhere North. So it began, my weekly journey.

I'm always happy when I travel. I meet people (not really make new friends tho), experience new things, see

good stuff. But, this happiness is just me. When I go travel, I don't mind the people I left at home. Just so you know, I don't really have quality time with the people I love anymore -I leave early to work, come home late to sleep. Seldom do I have the time to speak with my mom either, about things in general. Come Friday, I leave for my weekender travel. So yun na nga, ang buhay ng isang gala.

It's good to travel but I guess I am beginning to create gaps to some people I love. I need to fill this gap, but how do I start? If do, will I be able to fill back up? Will it be the same again? No. But I should still try right?

To you who's gap was created, I will try even if I know it won't ever be the same again. I will spare some time to patch things up with you. It will never be the same again but I will still try. Pamilya tayo eh. Pamilya tayo.

Friends

Friends. Lost some, gained a lot.

It was quite a productive year for me in terms of gaining friends. It's true that each has its own difference, the reason probably why there are few who went away. But, it is also true that these differences are the reasons why I get to have a lot now, and when I say a lot, it means ALOT. To those who don't really know me, I am quite timid and what some people call loner.

Way back in highschool I only have five friends. Kept it that way because it's a little bit hard for me to trust people (Trust issues, you know. Lol.) but this changed thanks to AT15, my original best friends.
     
College is a real blast. I never expected I would make good friends with such a bunch. I tried to keep myself away from people but as they say, "no man is an island" so there you have it :) Of course I would never forget midnight escapades! Great people too! It's saddening though that one of my good friend in this group has passed away. Miss na kita Ge!

Then comes work. Hmmmm, so because of the daily Miryenda, a bond of friendship was MADE. I mean, made and MADE was made lol. They're the best of the best! Still can't believe that our friendship will even grow bigger after I left, probably because it was made of trust? But sorry guys if there are a lot of instances that I have not been so honest with you, but it's not about trust; the very reason is that I just don't want people involved. I miss you guys too! If you can read this, let's meet before the year ends please? Micci exempted, but I'll be meeting you and your angel next year fosho!

There are friends made as well but we don't really have a group. It's quite short but I appreciate it! So special mention is Colai, Ezra, Mytch, and the rest of you from Invent ;)

And of course this year's batch will have to be mentioned! There's the ALOG Run Club, my favorite #clingies, tipid trippers, SMP, infiniTHREE, FOURever, Mambos :D Yung iba pa ulit ulit na lol. Im pretty sure I haven't mentioned all, medyo mahirap mag blog sa fx gamit ang cellphone tapos na nose bleed nako bwahahaha 😂😂😂

The Original NOC guys, Albert, Denis, Erwin, JC, salamats!

Run mates Rakz and Ninez and Jamae!

Brown Mountaineers!

Some ITOps and ITPD people!

Whew pagod nako sa biyahe tutulog na muna ako 😂😂😂

Started serious, ended funny? Nah.

Friends. Lost some, gained a lot. 😊

If you're not the one.

Cause I miss you

Body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away

And I need you

Into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today

Cause I love you

Whether it's wrong or right

And though I can't be with you tonight

You know my heart is by your side

Leche! Hahaha 😂😂😂

Trust

I grew up alone and happy being alone. I seldom make friends too but If I do, I'm pretty certain they are true. Why? Because I am not confident about people.

Years back, I had several experiences that made me lose my faith in humanity. Naks! Lol. But seriously, it's primarily the reason why I only have few friends. When making friends, I am skeptical and rational for some reason. You can't easily get my trust. It's pretty difficult for me because even if I wanted to trust someone, I always tend to doubt that they are just using me and eventually will leave me. It is based on experience that I can't easily trust people. 

Once again, I'm in the very same position - unsure. Invested time, money, and effort but I still fear that one day, all these are just wasted. It's a bit different now though. I'm now always ready to get hurt. So hell yeah, use me as you please. Bring it on!

Quick break away from stress

Okay, so I'm in La Union now, enjoying the beach and relearning my first loved sport -surfing. It's been awhile, probably almost a year now since I last surfed. I missed this. My encounter with the beach to surf makes me forget things, stress, work and emotional stress in particular.

Why stressed at worked? There's still lots of ongoing changes at work; new products, services, projects, and even management. It's a challenge indeed but I'm coping. This is just a small part of what's happening to me anyway.

Emotional stress? Yes. The big part actually. It's very difficult that I know I'm inlove. I sometimes end up obsessed. Really! I don't want to, but it happened anyway. Obsessed how? I stalk facebook, I wait for texts, etc. What can I do, it just happens and I hate it. It fucks my mind and once I don't get what I want, I end up hating myself. Whatever.

I am enjoying my stay here in Elyu, but at times were not at the beach, I go back to the sadness I feel.

Whew. I still hope that after this post, I'd feel alot better. Bye!

The feeling of emptiness

Hola! It's been awhile. Not sure why I'm here again but yeah, I just feel like I need to do this; to put into writing what I currently feel.

First, I would like to apologize to my team. I am currently not okay now, so hopefully after this I'm back to my usual self. It's been two hours since I came in but I haven't accomplished anything productive yet.

Second, I would like to apologize to myself :) I have been acting very strange lately; well, for the past months. I'm 30 and lonely. LOL. Kidding aside, I am not very sure what will it become of me in the next years. I want to go out of country, alone. Away from the people I know and the people who knows me. I want to start anew, perhaps. Somethings not okay with me and I am not even sure if I'm going to find out what it is. Geez. Anyway, I will be okay. I always am.

Third, I would like to apologize to the rest of the people surrounding me. I love you all, and I miss you all. I apologize because even though from within me I know I love you, I do not show it; and I'm not sure if you feel it.

Finally, to you who can read this, if you feel like something's wrong with me, my attitude, my being, please tell me. I want to stop believing that I am doing okay when in fact I am not. Just tell me, please?

Random thoughts

The thought that the thought I thought was just a thought. I thought.